8 Ways Men Test Women Without Realizing It

Did you know many men test women without even knowing it?

As a man in a relationship, you may trigger your partner’s resentment if you put her through tests. It often signals paranoia and a lack of trust—two things that can quietly loosen the bond between you.

In fact, some 34% of Americans report that their romantic relationships are the leading cause of their mental health concerns, often due to trust issues and emotional confusion that stem from subtle but destructive behaviors like testing one’s partner.

What makes this tricky is that you may exhibit these traits without actually realising it. These tests are usually subtle, like pulling away to test her emotional dependence or simply mentioning an ex to see if she is jealous.

Some of these tests are outright harmful, while others are good. Other times, how you or your partner react may determine whether the test is good or bad. But whatever the result is, these tests don’t truly matter in the grand scheme of your relationship.

Since these tests are common but unconscious to most men, I have highlighted eight in this article. You have no excuse for putting your woman through unnecessary tests that could break your connection. 

1) Pulling Away to See if She Will Chase You 

My hot take is that most men who play pull or push games have a deep fear of abandonment. This often signifies that you are not ready to give your all in the relationship. It is a sign that you are scared of being left alone, and you need to be sure your partner wants to be in your space.

This pull-and-push test works by pulling your woman close to you and showering her with love, affection, and care. Out of the blue, you start acting cold and nonchalant. You suddenly don’t want to love too much; you want to see if she bombards you with a thousand text messages before you are sure you can love her fully.

For some men, if she acts too clingy, they don’t move ahead with the relationship because they assume she is overly emotional and dependent. Others use this test to see if their woman is loyal and committed. 

It is best to stop if you notice that you usually have these episodes with your partner. Pulling and pushing will build doubt and create space for insecurities in her mind. Playing this game is a perfect recipe to screw up your relationship. 

2) Sharing a Deep Insecurity or Flaw Early On in the Relationship

Now, I don’t mind this unconscious test. When you share a deep insecurity with someone, you give off a hidden piece of yourself. You shine light into areas you didn’t want anyone to see. You let them into your life. 

This test is usually done in the talking stage of the relationship. You share something with her and watch how she reacts. If it is unpleasant and she acts sober, you tend to move closer to her and want to be with her. If she acts unbothered, you start to see yourself pulling away. 

The only issue with this test is that if your partner gets a hint that it is a test, she can adjust and paint her attitude to suit your narrative. She can pretend to care when she doesn’t because she could detect that you were testing her, even if you did it subconsciously.

3)  Watch and Judge How They Treat Others

If there is one thing men want from their women, it is kindness. As a man, you do not wish to be with a woman who is not kind to people, especially those with nothing to give her in return.

Most men who want a long-term relationship and to build a family with their partner must be kind to their home and you. 

Because of this need, you may often put her in situations that show her kindness. You can tell her to pick up the pizza from the delivery guy and see if she says thank you. It is often in the basic things you use to judge your relationship with this person.

I have to admit, I would also want a kind person, and this test doesn’t hurt any of the involved parties. In fact, it can help you guide your decision-making in the relationship. 

4) Going Quiet During Conflict to See Her Reactions 

One hill I will die on is that your woman isn’t a witch. If you do not communicate with her during conflict, she may not know the right steps to take to avoid destroying your relationship. 

Men always give the silent treatment when an argument erupts. Instead of facing the issue head-on, they keep quiet and watch how their woman responds. 

She may become more aggressive, shut down emotionally, or even stay calm to seek a resolution. How she reacts indicates her attitude, but your silent treatment means you have poor conflict-resolution skills.

If you don’t know how to communicate, you should get ready to meet the end of your relationship soon.

ship. And if you allow her to break those boundaries, you’ll get your satisfaction and an unhappy woman.

5) Pushes Her Boundaries Slightly 

Do you ever find yourself asking your woman to do things she is not comfortable with? You want to know if she will change her mind, so you keep putting her in situations that will make her break her principles. 

You need to stop!

Let me spell it out for you: Doing these tests means you do not care or respect your partner. It shows that you care more about yourself than how your partner feels. 

When you put your woman through this test, you are checking to see if she is able to maintain her standards and communicate discomfort. 

In case you are not aware, this test cannot allow your relationship to bloom. If she maintains her resolve and knows her worth, she will back off from the relationship. And if you allow her to break those boundaries, you’ll get your satisfaction and an unhappy woman.

6) You Mention an Ex Casually 

Why can’t the past remain in the past? Why do you have to use your ex to interfere with the future of your current woman? Most men who put their women to this test usually have a preconceived notion that their ex and current partner are in a competition. 

If your woman shares a win, you casually mention the one time your ex did the same. If she shares an issue, you bring up something similar that happened to your ex. You have put both of them in a boxing ring without their awareness. 

You want to see how your current woman will react. You want to know if she’s the jealous type or the type that doesn’t care. What you don’t know is that these tests can often be interpreted by your woman as you are not over your ex. This can make her pull away from you and end the relationship.  

7) Delaying Labels and Commitment 

To men, the tags and labels may feel unnecessary. However, to women, these tags make them aware of their current position in their lives. 

If you do not want commitment, it is best to spell it out from the beginning. Do not give the woman the idea of a relationship and have her boxed in a place where she keeps asking, “What are we?” every minute. 

Keeping a woman in the grey zone to test if she will stick around will ruin your relationship. It will destroy it in unimaginable ways. 

A woman who values herself will walk out of the relationship if you are not ready to make things straight.

8) You Allow Her to Make Decisions Regarding the Relationship 

There are two types of men: those who want to take full control of the relationship and those who need a partner. 

If you subconsciously tell your woman to pick a place for the date or plan an outfit for both of you, it means you want to be sure she is more of a partner than someone you lord over.

The downside is that not many people have managerial skills. The woman in question may possess other qualities that make her stellar.

However, you’d be forced away because she doesn’t fit your ideal box. 

If you think about it, it is good since you’d leave rather than stay in the relationship and be expecting something she cannot deliver. 

Wrapping It Up

Now that you are done reading, how many of these tests did you realise you have put your partner through before? If you have only done the “good” tests, you may only need to make certain clarifications to strengthen the bond between you and your partner. 

If you have done a mix of bad and good tests, you need a heart-to-heart talk with your woman. You both need to sit down and address all your issues. The earlier, the better, especially if you still want the relationship. 

But you have done only the negative tests. My advice to you is to take a break from the relationship and work on yourself. Heal, go to therapy, let go of previous hurts, and be a new man. Only then can you be fully ready to enter into a lasting relationship.

Reference :

1. Understanding the Push-Pull Dynamic in Relationships: https://psychcentral.com/relationships/ways-to-overcome-a-push-pull-dynamic-in-your-relationship
   
2. Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner’s Success or Failure: https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-a0033769.pdf
   
3. A Smart Unconscious? Procedural Origins of Automatic Partner Attitudes in Marriage: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2879496/ 
   
4. Testing the Popular Belief That Men Have Commitment Issues: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/368458934_Testing_the_Popular_Belief_that_Men_Have_Commitment_Issues 
   
5. Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies: https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/
   
6. Haas, L. (1980). Role-Sharing Couples: A Study of Egalitarian Marriages. Family Relations, 29(3), 289–296. https://doi.org/10.2307/583848