Beyond the Swipe: How Dating with Intentions Can Change Your Love Life

Casual dating has slowly become the norm in our society. People enter relationships with zero intentions, just early drunk-in-love moments, followed closely by heartbreaks a few weeks later.

Research shows that casual sexual relationships are also widespread, with as many as 64% of young adults engaging in these no-strings-attached arrangements. 

Digital dating platforms further encourage this trend. Approximately 30% of Americans have tried online dating, making swiping left and right part of everyday life.

But behind this casual approach lies an uncomfortable truth: many people choose dating without clear intentions, riding initial waves of excitement that inevitably crash into disappointment and heartbreak.

To many people, dating is just something to do at the moment, a way to pass time, because deep down, they expect it to end in disappointment. 

I used to see love this way until two years ago, when I decided to start dating with intentions. That one choice changed my life. I am currently in my most fulfilling relationship, not because of luck but because I approached love a little differently. 

So, if you still want to give love a chance, if you still want someone to look deep into your soul and love your every being, then keep reading.

If swiping left and right hasn’t led you to love, maybe it’s time you swiped up, toward intentional dating.

In this article, I’ll explain what intentional dating means and how it can transform your relationships. I’ll also share simple strategies to help you build the kind of love you deserve. 

What is Dating with Intentions? 

Before settling down with anyone, ask yourself the purpose of dating this person:

“Do I want to get laid, or do I want something that can lead to marriage? “

“When choosing this partner, what specific qualities am I looking for, and how do they match my personality? “

“Do specific attractive features like their looks, wealth, and religion matter to me?”

When you have sat down with your thoughts and provided clear answers to these questions, you will have successfully defined what dating with intentions means to you.

Emotional Readiness and Its Importance

Now that you have clearly defined what dating with intentions means to you, the next step is to look inward at yourself and ask these questions:

“If I meet someone who checks these boxes, am I someone they would love to be with?“

“Am I emotionally ready for this relationship? “

You can’t expect to be with someone who gives you their all when you are still holding on to scars from your previous relationships.

You can’t expect someone who cares about values and goals to be with someone who doesn’t have a clear idea of their life purpose. For intentional dating to work, you should be ready to give the type of love, time, and attention you hope to receive.

When you have done the work to heal, grow, and understand yourself, you’re less likely to sabotage your future relationship.

4 Key Principles of Dating with Intention 

From my two-year relationship, I have nitpicked certain principles you should have when dating with intentions. These principles include:

1. Authenticity and Self-awareness

Only when you know yourself can you successfully date with intentions. When you understand your own values, convictions, and goals, you will enter your next relationship with clarity and intention. 

This is why most people say they fell in love at first sight. It is because they already had a clear understanding of themselves and they have spotted someone whose energy and values reflect what they need. 

It is fine if you don’t believe in love at first sight, but you risk missing out on real love because you are yet to understand yourself. 

2. Clear Communication 

Most of the time, we tend to assume what is going on in another person’s mind by studying their body language. This is completely fine, and body language is a good means of communication.

However, when seeing someone, it is best to express yourself with words. If you don’t, many assumptions will be made, and the relationship will end up with many loopholes. 

When looking to date with intentions, you should not shy away from meaningful conversations. Talk to the person, ask them questions about themselves, listen to their opinions on different topics, in order words pick their brain. On the other hand, when you are asked questions, also respond honestly. Don’t kill whatever vibes are starting to form because of your poor communication skills. 

Many of us love to refer to this stage as the talking stage. Whatever name we tag it, it is necessary as it helps you discover this person. It is also the stage where you ask yourself a very important question. Are you taking things a step further or are you ending it here?

3. Establish Healthy Boundaries 

We all have certain principles that guide our views in life. I have no idea what your own is, but I’d love to tell you never to compromise on those principles.

When looking to date with intention, set clear and defined boundaries that whoever you meet must know and respect. These boundaries will help you choose the right person without having to change yourself just to match their expectations. 

However, it’s important to understand that setting and enforcing clear boundaries is not the same as refusing to make sacrifices. Sacrifices are made for those you truly love. Hence, before you make one, be sure of your love for the person. 

4. Embrace Vulnerability 

It can feel strange to chip off pieces of yourself and share them with someone. But dating with intention only happens when the other person is fully aware of what your soul contains. I am not saying you should disclose all your life secrets to this person immediately, but feel free to share specific experiences that have made you who you are. 

As you share yours, ensure the person also gives you chips of themselves. However, both of you must do it at a pace you are both comfortable with. When these topics come up, be bold and confident. Stand firm in what you believe, but be open to hearing the other person’s opinion. 

Give yourself in bits, but don’t lose yourself in the process.

10 Benefits of Dating with Intentions 

There are so many benefits of dating with the right intentions, and they include 

1. Having a clear direction and purpose of what you want in a relationship.

2. You would avoid wasting time with the wrong person.

3. It allows you to self-reflect and know yourself better.

4. You can be sure of building a strong and solid connection with the person.

5. It reduces the risk of ending up with a heartbreak.

6. Allows you to build trust and is perfect for long-term relationships.

7. Greater satisfaction because you would not settle for less.

8. Allows you to know beforehand if you are both compatible with each other.

9. Improves mutual respect among both parties.

10. Makes you happy.

Common Mistakes to Avoid When Dating with Intentions

While dating with intentions feels like the all-perfect road to happiness, it has some pitfalls. However, you can avoid these pitfalls by avoiding these four mistakes.

1. Rushing into Relationships  

Now that you have defined what you want in a relationship, it is best to avoid rushing into one. Take your time with each new person and let things unfold naturally. 

My unsolicited advice is not to plan a relationship with every new person you meet. Instead, let life happen and experience the person, but make sure your intentions are at the back of your mind.

When you take your time with people, you can easily back off when you notice a red flag.

2. Ignoring Red Flags

I know love is blind, but red is too bright a colour for you to miss. If someone you are seeing is giving their opinion or acting in a way that is a red flag to you, it is best not to act oblivious. Even if they tick all your boxes but something about them feels off, do not ignore it.

What you tag as red flags will not be what I tag as red flags, so again, be clear about what you want in the relationship. 

Also, the minute you notice this discrepancy, take it as your cue to back off. If we follow the traffic light, the color red means stop. Stop that relationship before you head in the wrong direction.

3. Sticking Around Because of Fear of Starting Over

 If there is one thing you should take home from this article is that “your person is out there waiting for you.” 

The greatest harm you can do to yourself is hang around someone you are incompatible with because of fear of starting over. 

Aside from missing out on the love you deserve, you will end up committing into a relationship that will break you and the other person. Therefore, the minute you get the itch, do yourself the favour of leaving the relationship before anything gets serious.

4. Neglecting Emotional Compatibility

One of the mistakes we can make when dating with intentions is having no emotional intelligence. And as with everything mentioned initially, you need to have emotional intelligence before demanding it from another person. 

How do you react when you are angry? How do you express your joy? What do you do when you feel envy? Do you raise your voice and wail insults when you are frustrated? 

Expressing your emotions is important, but expressing them in a way that doesn’t hurt those around you is also very crucial. 

When you are certain you are emotionally mature, make it your life mission to ensure the person you are settling with is emotionally compatible with you.

Conclusion

Love, when done properly, is a very beautiful concept. In fact, I always call it the eighth wonder of the world. How two people would meet and feel emotions they cannot express. 

It may feel like it no longer exists, but all you need to do is date with good intentions. 

You must learn to take love one step at a time, know your strengths and weaknesses, and be open to experiencing new people. Remember, do not settle for less, know your worth, reduce how often you do casual dates that lead to nowhere, and put yourself first.